Heartsong
I so often times begin writing something and stop. Mid-sentence. Sometimes even mid-word. “Who cares?” I play over and over in my head. “I’m too busy to be flitting around with frivolous blah-blah.” And so I close my Word doc, turn to my to-do list and log on to Facebook instead.
A few months ago, I signed up for a Daily OM series of emails called Creative Anxiety. There’s about five of them still left unopened in my inbox. The most recent one I have yet to open is called “The Anxiety of Choosing.”
Recently, in a workshop with fellow omie Meaghan de Roos, I charted out a map of my Self. I listed the things that I’m trained in and good at. I listed the things that bring me joy; the things that I love so much that I don’t care if I’m “good” at it or what the outcome is of doing it. Both lists were the same:
Writing. Singing. Teaching yoga.
But I began to notice the different experience I was having with things that I enjoy doing vs things I’m good at doing and others know I’m good at doing, too. I LOVE singing in the car at the top of my lungs. I LOVE writing in my journals. But the second I know that someone is looking forward to me singing at the end of class or writing and posting something new online, I freeze up. I doubt. And I turn away.
How often do we quiet out own voice for fear that what we’re about to say isn’t good enough? Isn’t important enough? And then from this fear of shame, we slowly convince ourselves that it wasn’t worth saying after all. The result? It’s not pretty.
When we convince ourselves that our voice isn’t important enough, we simultaneously decide that there’s something in our lives we should be putting all of that effort into. And we jump into the depths of our career or our family, putting everyone and everything else in front of the calling of our own heart.
Why set aside your own life’s song because you think you should be singing a different tune? Is it really worth it to live the life you THINK you should be living, instead of the life you are CREATED to live?
Shut off the TV. Log off of Facebook. Quit hiding behind a million different things and take that moment to instead face your SELF. The song that’s being so boldly sung in the center of your very heart is dying to come out. It’s terrifying to stand up and sing it in front of a crowd, whether it’s in karaoke or in the conference room.
And me? I’m learning to sing, even if it means annoying a few people on the way. It’s not worth it to keep silent when I have the opportunity to put my heart out there in a way not everyone has a chance to do.
My mission statement? To use my voice unabashedly, unafraid to create space and inspiration for those who crave to have their own voice heard.